How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
