I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
