We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize