I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
