I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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