I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
