i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
