everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
