happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
