You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
