I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
