Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm too high and old for this...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
