I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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