Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
