remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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