Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
