I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
