Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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