I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize