I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
