you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
