He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
