dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
