do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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