She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
