he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
