Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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