Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
