The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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