Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
