I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
