I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
