There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
