flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
