The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
