If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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