I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
