he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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