I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
