how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
