you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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