she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
