Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
