So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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