i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
