And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
