If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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