i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
