My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
