well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
