I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
