Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
