Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
