i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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