when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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