I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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