It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
