i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
