hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
