So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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