At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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