Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
