she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
