i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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