he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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