two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
