Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
