come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
