dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
