Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
