Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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