Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
