just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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