theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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