Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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