I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
