Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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