just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
